Try staying cool with some of these helpful tips:
Who says science can't be fun . . . or is that funny . . . I forget . . .
You can apparently do that on television . . . August 13, 2010
- So, does she talk to the poop? Or does she talk while pooping?
Thank God for Fox News . . . I thought the answer was rsolcekdet . . .
And does he ever send me a Christmas card or even write?
193% of Republicans can't be wrong . . .
Are you sure about that Regis?
If the firemen actually did handle that . . . they have more respect from me now
Couldn’t it just be rooster soup? August 12, 2010
Thanks to Steve Zarella for this picture:
Ummm . . . yum . . . ????
Signs of the times . .. . August 9, 2010
But what if I just want Unleaded?
Poor Billy didn't think his dyslexia would affect him on the job . . . .
This explains SO much . . . .
Ok, ok . .. I get the point . . . I'll stop doing 80 in a 25 . . .
How to get a waitress’ attention at Waffle House August 8, 2010
The following are listed in progressive steps of escalation. If one does not work, move to the next one:
1) Wave to waitress
2) Give waitress puppy dog eyes until she sees you
3) Cough repeatedly
4) Yell ‘excuse me’
5) Try using the Force to get their attention
6) Pick up the menu and read it repeatedly to see if they get the hint
7) Gnaw your neighbor’s arm
8 ) Gnaw your own arm
9) Gnaw the waitress’ arm
10) Order pizza from domino’s and have it delivered to Waffle House
11) Play strip waiting … Every minute they ignore you remove an article of clothing
12) Ask the cops to order when they come to arrest you for indecent exposure
Just a question … August 8, 2010
So tonight I went into Walgreens and paid with a debit card. It asked if I wanted cash back. I said no. It then asked me if $11 is what I wanted to pay. This is the amount being charged to me to begin with. So, does this mean I get to barter for the cost?
I said no and sadly it didn’t ask me if I wanted to enter in a different amount.
So, Walgreens, please change this misleading wording for me, or give me the option to barter.
Thanks!
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This Week in History- August 1st-August 7th August 7, 2010
August 1st- Six Flags over Texas, Arlington opens up in 1961. This was the first park out of the successful Six Flags chain, marking the birth of pants being crapped for the next 41 years, from either scared people riding the roller coasters or parents at the sight of how much a lunch for four will cost. (At the opening of the park, by the way, a burger was fifty cents and a soda was a dime. Due to the rate of inflation, a burger now costs a kidney and a soda is a leg amputation.)
August 2nd- 1878, Augustus Goldschmidt of Upper Poughkeepsie, New York got involved in a ground dispute battle with his neighbor. As part of his retaliation, Augustus built a catapult and began flinging his livestock at his neighbor. After flinging cows, horses, roosters, and mules, his neighbor finally agreed to a truce when Augustus began flinging pigs at him. And thanks to that, the phrase of doing something ‘when pigs fly’ was born.
August 3rd- In 1861, the last installment of Great Expectations was printed. The novel tells the story of a boy named Pip and his belief that he’ll inherit a great fortune. Years later, high school kids throughout the United States will read of this story courtesy of Cliffs Notes.
August 4th- Talladega Nights opened up in 2006. For four years after that, my wife has a new mantra when driving . . . ‘I wanna go fast! I wanna go fast!’
August 5th- In 1861, Abraham Lincoln imposed the first federal income tax. Wesley Snipes says thank you, by the way. Alec Guinness also passed at the age of 86. Sadly, there was no body found, just a pile of brown and cream robes. The assassin is still at large, with a tall asthmatic being the one searched for.
August 6th- In 1787, the first draft of the Constitution was debated. At the heart of the debate was whether it was better to bear arms, or give arms to bears. This was later handled by a mud wrestling contest between Alexander Hamilton and Ben Franklin.
August 7th- In 1869, to prove that getting the Native Americans on the East Coast to move wasn’t enough for America, an astronomer who was part of a group of explorers in Alaska showed his powers to a group of Indians there. In an effort not to be killed, the astronomer promised he came in peace and told of a solar eclipse he predicted for the next day. When it did happen, most of the Indians fled out of fear, believing that the white men had actually caused the eclipse to happen instead of predicting it to happen. This paved the way for more friendly dealings of moving natives out of their homes.
More of Lost explained . . . August 6, 2010
So the brilliant geniuses who bring you movies recorded on handicams in movie theaters and cracks to download legal software for free have released the 10 minutes of unreleased footage from everyone’s favorite one word television show, Lost.
Admittedly, I was let down a little bit as I was expecting more. But, I guess you can only do what you can do with 10 minutes. You do learn why there’s polar bears though and about the brain washing that Ben did on his daughter’s boyfriend.
Here’s the link http://www.mediafire.com/?rxse9avaachwb8h to download it.
So does this 10 minutes give you the closure you wanted?
